The Boat Ramp

I couldn't possibly remember or write about everything bizarre I've seen around boat ramps, but a few really were burned deeply into my memory banks.

Dad and I were launching the boat at Gabby Atchinson's ramp on Turkeyfoot Point one day when some guys showed up with a really big, fancy, floating blind. We launched and then got out of their way. They backed it off the trailer and it sunk immediately. Dad made some comment to one of the guys and he grinned and said "It looked good on paper."

One time we were launching at the ramp on Oyster Creek and some guy hunting by himself thought that the $5 he had paid was to buy the ramp, not just to launch there. He took forever. Trucks were backed up halfway to Lyle's. Whit made some comment to the guy and he went hustling down the bulkhead and stepped over into his boat. Well, he had intended to step into his boat, but missed it clean. Went in up to his neck. Funnier part of the story was, Whit was telling that story at a trap shoot once and some guy stepped up and said that wasn't funny, it was him, an acquaintance of Whitfield's that he hadn't recognized in the dark that morning.

Out at Rhodes Point we probably had more fun watching folks recover their boats than we did launching them. One guy had a big steel frame that attached into the receiver on his truck. It swiveled around and extended back to make sort of an addition to the bed of the pickup truck. I think that thing looked better on paper. He worked with it for 30 minutes trying to get it situated properly, then trying to pull the boat forward.

Even better was the guy who was trying to get a small jon boat into the bed of his truck. The boat was heavily loaded with decoys. The guy would lift the bow, push it into the truck until it was about halfway in then he would lift the stern and try to slide it in the rest of the way. Each time he got it started, he would hurry up to the front of the truck bed, but before he could grab and secure the boat, it would tip back out of the truck and slide back down into the water. After a full hour he unloaded 3 decoy bags and it went in perfectly.

2 couples came out one day in January and took an hour putting 2 kayaks in the water. Then they paddled through our decoys, not having a clue that we were in the blind watching the whole time. One couple even had some little tiny dog in their kayak with them, standing up on the bow barking. Sweet.

Saw some fellows with a really nice boat blind built on a V-hull boat trying to use the Rhodes Point ramp. The ramp has a huge hole in the center and it is easy to back a trailer wheel into it. These guys decided to pull way off to the side of the ramp. The trailer fell off the edge of the ramp and completely upset, capsizing the boat.

I already wrote about the guy with the ill-mannered Labrador. That was a real fiasco.

Another day at Rhodes Point, 3 generations of some sort of foreigner/red-neck cross family came out to try out their new speedboat that Grandma had purchased. They fell in the water, tore up the hull of the boat, got out in the river and tore up the motor. Really had themselves a time. When they finally got back to the ramp and got the boat on the trailer, they lifted Grandma into the boat and let her sit in it for a couple minutes. I guess that was to show their gratitude for buying them the boat.

The hardest I ever laughed was not really at a ramp, but in the little parking lot at Spring Creek. Kelly and I were there one morning waiting on the magic hour of 0500 so we could go into the impoundment. A couple other cars showed up and everyone was calmly putting on waders and discussing their plans for the hunt. In pulled a couple halfwits in a big hurry. They still had a half hour before we could enter the impoundment, but they were in a big hurry. One of them (the driver) even jumped out of the truck before it came to a complete stop and was trying to count how many of us were ahead of him. Each time he would struggle to count to 6 or 7 a new car would pull into the lot and he would curse and start his count over again. His partner hurried to back the truck up to the edge of the ditch that fed into the impoundment. They were going to launch their boat there and paddle along the outside edge of the impoundment until they got to their spot. Good plan, almost. He backed up too far and the boat and decoys all slid out of the back of the pickup and splashed into the ditch. He started hollering to is friend, the "counter", that he needed help. Needed help NOW! His buddy came over to try to help, but wasn't strong enough to be of any help. "Can't do it!" he cried. They kept the whole crowd of us in stitches. Some guys didn't even go into the impoundment at 0500 to claim a spot, they stayed to watch the circus act in the parking lot.

I've seen people launch and forget to hold onto the bow rope (my own sons). I've seen guys walk around behind their trailer at Rhodes Point and find that big hole in the ramp, McGee for one. The other guy was in a group of 3 hunters that somehow thought they were superior hunters. Launched and hunted a pitiful location for a hour. Everybody else on the New River was getting shooting but them, so they quit. When they got to the ramp one of them went up the hill to get the truck and one walked down to our blind to ask me what was going on. He bragged about all the places they had been hunting for the past week and not killing anything. Pointed out flocks of ducks that were flying by my decoys while he was there bothering me and finally looked back at his partners who were trying to get the boat on the trailer. One had stayed in the truck and the other had fallen in the hole in the ramp. He asked me if I could see his buddies down there. I told him I couldn't see them, but that I did see a hat floating behind the boat. He hurried away to try to help.

So, if you are ever bored and there is a boat ramp nearby, head down there with your video camera. You might win a contest on TV for your efforts.